So, back during my first post, I may have told a small fib in saying that Shadow of the Colossus would be the farthest I delved into my memory for this experimental blog. I had an inkling when I came up with the concept what the final game would possibly be, although I still left room for something else to take this pedestal, just in case I realized a different game was more influential on my emotional psyche. Kingdom Hearts 2 is the one I believe impacted me the most as a child, yet it is the one I remember the least out of these titles I selected. Partially due to its release in the year 2005, and me blocking that part of my memory out for traumatic reasons, apparently. This was the first true adventure I embarked on that would have me changed coming out the other side. I will be honest, I don’t remember much about how a nine-year-old me or if I played Shadow of the Colossus or Kingdom Hearts 2 first. I do remember the vow I made during the ending cutscene for Kingdom Hearts 2.
For those of you unfortunate enough to have never played a Kingdom Hearts game, it is modeled after Final Fantasy but set in the worlds of Disney characters. My dad always researched games intensely before he would allow me to play them. This was something my mom had recently informed me of since I started this blog, and unfortunately will never get my answer to this question, “Did you realize how dark a story this was for a child, father?” Do I blame my dad for allowing me to play this game? No, I thank him because, first off, it is a dark story hidden behind Disney movies, something easily missed by parents. Secondly, this was my first true test into the emotional deep end. Yes, technically, Shadow of the Colossus is the more mature game of the two, but the story is a lot deeper and emotional in Kingdom Hearts.
If you have not noticed the pattern yet, for some reason, I usually miss the first title of the franchise and play the sequel first. Kingdom Hearts is not any different. The story follows the main protagonist, Sora, a keybalde user under the tutelage of Mickey Mouse, with Donald Duck and Goofy as his permanent sidekicks. I still hear Donald Duck’s voice lines and quickie voice as I write this, and Goofy’s complex emotional story arc that you don’t expect from him. It took me a good three months of renting this game on and off to finally beat it. I left off on the Jack Skellington world, the second-to-last time I rented it, not realizing how close to the end I was. Many of the plotlines and character arcs have been lost with me through the years, and since it had an ending that made the final episodes of LOST look like a child’s puzzle. The storyline tackles mature themes such as death, memory manipulation, loss, existential identity crisis, and the psychological struggles with inner darkness. It also contained human experimentation, tragic backstories, characters dying, or suffering deep trauma, and constant battles against the embodiment of negative emotions, the heartless. Roxas and Namine were two of the main characters’ nobodies, a plot point much too complicated and dense to tackle in this post. Roxas and Namine sacrifice themselves to wake up their original selves, Sora, the main protagonist, and his friend Kairi, and become whole again. This bittersweet ending broke me in half. I could not hold back the tears and rage at how unfair that was, but little me knew nothing of bittersweet endings yet. I only knew one thing going forward after that day: “ I may not be the best friend day in and day out, but when the shit hits the fan, I will be the first one there.” That was the vow I made in tears and solace during that ending cutscene and credits. It is not always about how good a story is made; sometimes, the success of a story is in how it makes you feel and face demons in the real world you would shy away from. Those became the stories I gravitated towards after this game: gritty, dark, and real, and real permanent consequences, much like the real world.
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